Press Conference
Edmonde held a press conference today to announce that he was stepping down as CEO. I didn't believe him, naturally. I don't trust anything he says anymore. Not since back in the third grade, when he sold me seeds to his alleged "hot dog tree." I planted those seeds. I waited five, six weeks. Nothing. I've never been so disappointed in my life. That's why I chose to avenge myself today, at the press conference. When Edmonde was reading off the reasons why he couldn't take charge, I snuck up behind him and smacked him in the back of the head.
Petty? No, I wouldn't dream of taking a third grade squabble out on an acting CEO. What Edmonde did was much more recent. Do you remember last year, when scientists kept saying global warming was going to have dire consequences on society? Hurricanes and the like. Anyway, Edmonde went to those scientists' houses, and he like, he got in the back of a pickup truck, and when to all their houses and played golf on their lawns. That's just trespassing, and it's illegal. I don't know about you, but when someone (or something) comes onto my lawn and starts playing a game that originated in Scotland, I get angry. Not because I've got anything against the people of Scotland. Because I've got a problem with the Scottish parliament.
What is up with the Scottish parliament? I mean, come on. It's the 21st century. Are we supposed to believe that Scotland didn't have a sovereign parliament until just a few years ago? Come on! I've seen Braveheart, I know how much Scotland fought for independence from the English. And then about a hund- two hund- three hundred years ago, they just become part of England? British Empire my ear! Bah, you wait three hundred years before reasserting your right to sovereignty? What is this, the Basque separatist movement of Spain? Just accept the British parliament and stop wasting our time with your fancy haggis. End of story.
Petty? No, I wouldn't dream of taking a third grade squabble out on an acting CEO. What Edmonde did was much more recent. Do you remember last year, when scientists kept saying global warming was going to have dire consequences on society? Hurricanes and the like. Anyway, Edmonde went to those scientists' houses, and he like, he got in the back of a pickup truck, and when to all their houses and played golf on their lawns. That's just trespassing, and it's illegal. I don't know about you, but when someone (or something) comes onto my lawn and starts playing a game that originated in Scotland, I get angry. Not because I've got anything against the people of Scotland. Because I've got a problem with the Scottish parliament.
What is up with the Scottish parliament? I mean, come on. It's the 21st century. Are we supposed to believe that Scotland didn't have a sovereign parliament until just a few years ago? Come on! I've seen Braveheart, I know how much Scotland fought for independence from the English. And then about a hund- two hund- three hundred years ago, they just become part of England? British Empire my ear! Bah, you wait three hundred years before reasserting your right to sovereignty? What is this, the Basque separatist movement of Spain? Just accept the British parliament and stop wasting our time with your fancy haggis. End of story.
--The Taker of Gist | 9:42 PM
2 broke it down:
so where do i apply for the job of CEO? i think i deserve the job - i was the one who sold the Hot Dog Tree concept to him in the first place...
There is no CEO. The American Gistological Institute is a faith-based nonprofit initiative. The hot dogs are in your mind. There never was a hot dog tree. Anyone who says otherwise is a hippocrite.
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