I Saw Your Parents Today
They weren't too proud of you, visiting my blog and all. They were all, "<YOUR NAME HERE>, who is this Taker of Gist I keep hearing about?! And why does he so hate the ampersand?!" That's right. Deal with it. The ampersand is the most useless character in the English language. Hundreds of years ago, this pathetic glyph was actually the long-fabled 27th letter. Right after "Z." The song would go, "...X, Y, Z, and per se and." Because all those years ago, ampersand wasn't just one word. It was the derivation of a whole Latin thingy.
And that's why I hate the ampersand. Trust me on this, I'm a noted English professor at the University of Shut Up. I've spent the last 200 years discerning the history of the ampersand in modern society, and the results are more than shocking. Apparently, nobody remembers the true spirit of the ampersand. Originally, the ampersand was meant as a replacement for the word "and." How do I know this? Because sadly, it was I who invented the ampersand. Back in the middle ages, I was all, "Hey, you know what Old English really needs? The ampersand character! Also, we need some silent letters. Old English doesn't have any silent letters, and I think that's the only way we can defeat the French."
Because back during the dark ages, it wasn't enough that you be superior militarily to your enemy. You had to have a superior language, which required all kinds of crazy syntax rules and letters. Back then, English didn't even have a word for the computer. Shocking! Scandalous! Salacious! Anyway, the ampersand helped us win the Great War. But then it started getting uppity, demanding a bigger piece of the pie. Before long, the ampersand was strutting around like it owned the place. That's why we need to stop it before it gets the bomb.
And that's why I hate the ampersand. Trust me on this, I'm a noted English professor at the University of Shut Up. I've spent the last 200 years discerning the history of the ampersand in modern society, and the results are more than shocking. Apparently, nobody remembers the true spirit of the ampersand. Originally, the ampersand was meant as a replacement for the word "and." How do I know this? Because sadly, it was I who invented the ampersand. Back in the middle ages, I was all, "Hey, you know what Old English really needs? The ampersand character! Also, we need some silent letters. Old English doesn't have any silent letters, and I think that's the only way we can defeat the French."
Because back during the dark ages, it wasn't enough that you be superior militarily to your enemy. You had to have a superior language, which required all kinds of crazy syntax rules and letters. Back then, English didn't even have a word for the computer. Shocking! Scandalous! Salacious! Anyway, the ampersand helped us win the Great War. But then it started getting uppity, demanding a bigger piece of the pie. Before long, the ampersand was strutting around like it owned the place. That's why we need to stop it before it gets the bomb.
--The Taker of Gist | 12:52 AM
6 broke it down:
The andpersand is like a burr or hitch hiker; it just latches on to a clause for dear life, and doesn't let go.
The best way to kill one is through isolation. This, for example is a dead ampersand:
&
But don't let it close to syntax, or it will revive like the undead in all those zombie movies!
No, I guess I wasnt that clear. There is a link to a funny page. HE edited the pictures. He is funny.
I don't usually like to disgaree...however on this aspect I might take some exception.
I think we have to try to be more confusing and obscure to make our language more difficult to understand. This is important so that our engineering texts and user manuals will be difficult to translate and replicte for other cultures. It will help to widen (or protect) our economic moat...
One way to help accomplish this is is to add many useless characters & punctuations & silent letters so that our language is the hardest to understand or translate.
just some thoughts,
BionicBuddha
The only good ampersand is one that has been activated by a portkey in the name of magic. Synatcitacal errors are more common nowadays thanks to the ampersand, and also the pound sign. Curse you, #!
Editing pictures is one sign of the coming battle between good and evil. Only one side will win. The other... oblivion.
And don't forget about irregular verbs! We need to spice up the conjugations with a little hypertranslating.
I am interested in what you are saying, but I want to learn more. Do you have a pamphlet that I could subscribe to?
The only pamphlet that you can subscribe to is the invisible one available over the Internet for free. I call it "invisiline" and it's really not for sale. I want to sell it, but you know, regulations, regulations. The feds would be on my doorstop telling me off for violating some 18th century statute against selling pamphlets. That's why I don't.
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