Dustbowl Redux
I saw Colonel Chickenpox today. It was at the mall. He was all like, "I'm ignoring you." I don't know what his problem is. I mean, yeah I melted him, but I knew that he'd come back to life through the cloning process. It's idiot-proof, really. So I walked right up to him next to the dollar store, and I just flat out asked him: "Colonel, what do you think of this weather?"
And he looked up at me, with tears in his eyes. This was because he got into a fight with this Oompa Loompa a week ago. Being color blind, Chickenpox had no idea the guy was an Oompa Loompa, but he knew right after they started fighting. It was all "duh!" Everyone knows Oompa Loompas have super strength. So the Colonel and this Oompa started throwing each other against the wall of this Burger King, and the next thing either of them know, this huge cloud descends over them. It was this super dust thing, I heard. The sky was all pink, and it hadn't rained in weeks. This caused the topsoil to evaporate.
"The weather? You really want to know about the weather?" asked Colonel Chickenpox again. He took out his corn cob pipe and started playing a tune on his harmonica. Then he glanced up at me and stared right into my soul. I started getting angry for no reason, and grabbed his peg leg. As I ran away, I could hear him screaming in Norwegian. So I headed back and threw his wooden leg right at him. I started saying something like, "You're so cheap! Everyone says you take money from the penny tray at the gas station!" But he couldn't hear me. He had already remelted. So I walked away.
And he looked up at me, with tears in his eyes. This was because he got into a fight with this Oompa Loompa a week ago. Being color blind, Chickenpox had no idea the guy was an Oompa Loompa, but he knew right after they started fighting. It was all "duh!" Everyone knows Oompa Loompas have super strength. So the Colonel and this Oompa started throwing each other against the wall of this Burger King, and the next thing either of them know, this huge cloud descends over them. It was this super dust thing, I heard. The sky was all pink, and it hadn't rained in weeks. This caused the topsoil to evaporate.
"The weather? You really want to know about the weather?" asked Colonel Chickenpox again. He took out his corn cob pipe and started playing a tune on his harmonica. Then he glanced up at me and stared right into my soul. I started getting angry for no reason, and grabbed his peg leg. As I ran away, I could hear him screaming in Norwegian. So I headed back and threw his wooden leg right at him. I started saying something like, "You're so cheap! Everyone says you take money from the penny tray at the gas station!" But he couldn't hear me. He had already remelted. So I walked away.
--The Taker of Gist | 8:41 AM
8 broke it down:
I forgot my dream of last night--but I just remembered it now: it was this comment.
The colonel has a peg leg? Is he a pirate? If you took it, would he be an irate pirate?
Comments don't make sense. They take sense. Like the way I take Gist. For I am the Taker of Gist!
Pirate? Yes. He's the pirate king of Madagascar. He sails 'round the Moon in a circular flume, never stopping to stop singing his piratey tune.
I hate it when people stare right into my soul too.
do you reckon you could get that peg leg back, gist? you could make some coin on ebay you know.
Peg legs cannot be sold, since it infringes on eBay's copyright policy. Or maybe I just made that up. The point is, Colonel Chickenpox just doesn't know a good thing when he sees it. He thinks he own New York, and California, and Texas, just because those are the three most populous states. But he doesn't.
New York is worthless to an Australian. Now that pegleg on the other hand....
He's not a pirate, if that's what ye be gettin' at. Pirates also have eye patches and hook hands and parrots on their shoulders. Colonel Chickenpox has none of that. The fool.
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