Wednesday, February 15, 2006

My Little Toe

This one time, I was coming home from work, and this guy just walked up to me and said, "Hey! You got change for a fifty?" And I was all, like, "No. Why don't you come over here and I'll use my little toe to show you how I feel about people who ask me for change?" But this guy was like, a wrestler or something, and he did this body slam on me and broke my arm.

So I sued him for every penny he had. Then I spent all the money investing in this really bad condo deal thing. I remember yelling at my broker. He was telling me that it was a scam, but I didn't believe him. I still don't, even though they stole all my money. It was the way the world worked back then. You'd go to work, come home, get in a fight with this little guy over your big toe, or conversely, the other way around, and then you'd end up in a bad condo deal. I never did see my little toe defeat that guy.

But I made sure that wouldn't happen again. I went to that guy's house after it was repossessed by the bank, and I wrote down his license plate number. Then I pasted that number into a crime data bank, and it turned out he was wanted in Canada for smuggling thousands of dollars worth of Canadian dollars across the border. So I challenged him to fight for the honor of Canada. I guess he hates Canada, since he didn't fight back. So I called my Canadian friends, and they called their members of parliament, and to give you the Gist of what happened, he was extradited. That really happened. Don't question it.

10 broke it down:

Blogger jungle jane verbatim:

that revenge sounds like terribly hard work. why didn't you just stab him?

2/16/2006 5:25 AM  
Blogger The Taker of Gist verbatim:

Do I look like a senator?

As Montressor says, a thousand injuries I can bear, but one insult makes me cry.

I decry that remark! And that's the Gist.

2/16/2006 10:15 AM  
Blogger jungle jane verbatim:

you do not look like a senator. you look like a paper bag with downturned teeth and a somewhat orange complexion.

actually i think you're quite cute.

2/16/2006 5:52 PM  
Blogger The Taker of Gist verbatim:

I aims to please.

And that's the Gist.

2/16/2006 5:55 PM  
Blogger wallycrawler verbatim:

Ya should have invested in Sirius stock . I took my Home Depot shit and dropped it all on "future radio" . I'm up baby way up !

2/16/2006 7:15 PM  
Blogger The Taker of Gist verbatim:

I don't buy stock. I make stock.

Stockades, that is. You've gotta have a way to keep the townsfolk in line, and that way's been tried and true. Gist.

2/16/2006 7:55 PM  
Blogger Elmo verbatim:

Should of went with the BIG toe bro...just say'n.

2/16/2006 11:11 PM  
Blogger The Taker of Gist verbatim:

There are laws against using your big toe in a confrontation with pro wrestlers. That's their Achilles heel. They just can't handle the big toe.

Also, I think he was part of this four episode dream I was having regarding pirate ships and old aerosol cans.

They made them out of copper, you know.

2/16/2006 11:16 PM  
Blogger Bathroom Hippo verbatim:



Did you get that Gist I sent ya?


2/17/2006 6:25 AM  
Blogger The Taker of Gist verbatim:

Tater tots is my middle name.

Actually, it's a high school nickname that got out of hand when I force-fed tater tots to an actual tot.

Took twelve stitches.

And I don't think Gist is mail accessable. Gist must be properly stored in a cold, dry place for the duration of no less than one microt.

2/17/2006 8:38 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Give More Gist