Colonel Chickenpox To The Rescue!
"Where do you think you came from?" asked Colonel Chickenpox. I knew that this wouldn't end well. He's been getting very angry lately, since he came back to life. I think he remembers what happened. I think he remembers that I was the one who sold him out. The one who told his family where they could find him. But they were concerned! I mean, the guy's getting old. His family needs to know where he is. And I don't think he should be driving any more. He's very old, and his eyesight is getting dimmer each day. But he won't hear any of it.
It's a very sad sight, that old Colonel. He once, during the middle of the Second World War, conquered the continent of Antarctica in the name of the United States of America. After the war, he returned there to start his family. His whole life, he dreamed of being a farmer. But once the Antarctic summer rolled around, all his crops died out. Nobody could understand it. They ever sent for the old witch doctor, Nichol Khevron, who was widely believed to be the one responsible for the drought in the Sahara.
Even with the modern conveniences such as lightning rods and plows, Colonel Chickenpox couldn't bring his farm to life. So he just left it. He wandered out into the middle of the Ross Ice Shelf and almost threw himself in the ocean. But then, at that moment, a magical fairy revealed itself to him and told him to dig right under his porch. He did, and found a million tons of silver. He was rich! But did he share any of it with his family? No. He left them there in Antarctica and went to Las Vegas to spend his fortune on the slots. That's why his family wants to know where he is, so they can shake him down for his pixie silver. Also, Colonel Chickenpox fought a gang of scurvy pirates. But that's a story for another time.
It's a very sad sight, that old Colonel. He once, during the middle of the Second World War, conquered the continent of Antarctica in the name of the United States of America. After the war, he returned there to start his family. His whole life, he dreamed of being a farmer. But once the Antarctic summer rolled around, all his crops died out. Nobody could understand it. They ever sent for the old witch doctor, Nichol Khevron, who was widely believed to be the one responsible for the drought in the Sahara.
Even with the modern conveniences such as lightning rods and plows, Colonel Chickenpox couldn't bring his farm to life. So he just left it. He wandered out into the middle of the Ross Ice Shelf and almost threw himself in the ocean. But then, at that moment, a magical fairy revealed itself to him and told him to dig right under his porch. He did, and found a million tons of silver. He was rich! But did he share any of it with his family? No. He left them there in Antarctica and went to Las Vegas to spend his fortune on the slots. That's why his family wants to know where he is, so they can shake him down for his pixie silver. Also, Colonel Chickenpox fought a gang of scurvy pirates. But that's a story for another time.
--The Taker of Gist | 2:53 PM
9 broke it down:
Colonel Chickenpox is a dick. But I'd totally go to Vegas with 'em.
Of course you would! We all would! The Colonel is a wizard with probability and a master of prediction. He'd be able to tell you which number you're thinking of ten years before you asked him; he's a genius.
That's why he cannot be permitted free reign over all my Gisty enterprises. But still, he's ten times better than a third of how ugly Edmonde is.
O mighty Taker, the Masters of the Timestream are acting up! I require your services once more!
I don't care what you say, I'm watching basketball, and have forgotten what I was going to say.
Basketball is only part of the military/industrial glue complex! Google's in on it, too. That's why I can't wear expensive watches around them.
Colonel Chickenpox visited me many years ago. In private places. Bastard.
I have some pixie silver . That shits do'n nothing on the stock exchange . Monday I'm trading it all for Sirius radio stock . Howard Stern will make my losses back , that's for sure ! God Bless Howard Stern !
Colonel Chickenpox sounds like he's been hanging out with my cat. maybe they both need a brick to the head?
Bricks to the head cost a lot of money, insurance-wise. That's why the best course of action is to find the nearest mountain and scale it. Not climb it, mind you, but scale it. Get the exact dimensions and build a scale model of it. Works like a charm.
Howard Stern is but one integral component of the Gist-making process. The other 80% is imagination.
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