My Best Work
I must admit, when I first heard that Edmonde had to have his stomach pumped, it didn't faze me much. But once I got to know the hospital staff, I actually started to feel the pressure. Peer pressure. Why did Edmonde need his stomach pumped? Because, yesterday, when I got into the Gist mill, I specifically told him not to eat thumbtacks. Did he listen to me? No. He, in his infinite wisdom, thought it would be socially acceptable to eat a whole container of thumbtacks.
And now he's in intensive care, and he may not survive the night. Why didn't he heed my warning? I'll tell you why. The other week, I assigned him to fix a bug in the Gist matrix. It's a heavy detail job, and only someone with the experience Edmonde has with the art of metrics can accurately predict the Gist flow. That's not to say I couldn't have done it. I'm a master of the Gist. But I need to delegate, as my job is managerial in nature. So I affixed a special plaque in his honor and got back to shuffling paper around.
That's when all the madness happened. I looked out the window and saw Edmonde, his eyes red with fury, shucking corn. Now, normally, I wouldn't be against the noble practice of farming. But he took this thing too far. He demanded the other employees dress like scarecrows and keep the rabbits out of his garden. I just can't let him do that. It promotes a bad work environment. Edmonde needs to learn how to work better with others. So I signed him up for a weeklong seminar on how to cope with the utter futility of life. May the spirit of the Oak guide him in his hour of need.
And now he's in intensive care, and he may not survive the night. Why didn't he heed my warning? I'll tell you why. The other week, I assigned him to fix a bug in the Gist matrix. It's a heavy detail job, and only someone with the experience Edmonde has with the art of metrics can accurately predict the Gist flow. That's not to say I couldn't have done it. I'm a master of the Gist. But I need to delegate, as my job is managerial in nature. So I affixed a special plaque in his honor and got back to shuffling paper around.
That's when all the madness happened. I looked out the window and saw Edmonde, his eyes red with fury, shucking corn. Now, normally, I wouldn't be against the noble practice of farming. But he took this thing too far. He demanded the other employees dress like scarecrows and keep the rabbits out of his garden. I just can't let him do that. It promotes a bad work environment. Edmonde needs to learn how to work better with others. So I signed him up for a weeklong seminar on how to cope with the utter futility of life. May the spirit of the Oak guide him in his hour of need.
--The Taker of Gist | 9:55 PM
6 broke it down:
Saw you guys arguing as my blimp floated over. Hawked a loogie toward you but it hit a large quantity of thumbtacks which Edmonde consumed.
I pray for a full recovery.
With so many people allergic these days, it's asking a lot of one's staff to impersonate scarecrows. Myself, I'm allergic to meteor showers.
Sweet mother of Gist! The- what? I can't recall... perhaps it has something to do with the voyage I recently took to the bowels of the Earth... wherein I was forced by Lord Vader to breakdance until I could no longer take it!
But the Gist there was delicious.
You need to stop babysitting Edmonde.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is. Quote from one of Gist's really old ancestors.
If there is a Dog in the sky Edmonde will pass and become a saint in heaven . We need him to wage war against the Archangels Lassie and Rin Tin Tin .
Amen
Quotes are like oats; you need them as long as you plan to eat breakfast out on the plain. In Spain. In the rain. What a pain.
Sky dogs are far more menacing than rain dogs. Rain dogs are just pathetic, if you ask me. No way to know where they came from. No way at all.
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