Groundbreaking Ceremony
Today marks the beginning of a new era. For over twenty years, our little community has been bound by the iron will of Mayor Edmonde. I can see now that dissolving the town council and appointing him "Mayor for Life" may have been a bad idea, but I stand by my 20-year-old decision to do so. He may have turned out to be evil incarnate. He may have turned out to be a fiscally irresponsible fool who fakes magic tricks to get out of traffic jams. He may have even been one of the pod people; we can never know now.
One thing is certain in this time of great upheaval: we will prevail. I ask all of you to join hands... do it! I command you to join hands and be happy! Do it! Do it now! Okay. There you go. Now, where was I... yes, the ceremony. Edmonde has been a thorn in all our sides, what with the spending of our tax dollars on his forty foot catapult. I think we can all agree that when we elected Edmonde, we only wanted a twenty foot catapult. He thinks more is less, but I say that more is simply more. You can't sugar coat that.
Believe me, I've sugar coated many things. But I prefer deep frying them instead. I mean, when you coat things with sugar, you've got to use some kind of wax anyway. If you don't, the sugar just falls off. With deep frying, I can turn almost any substance into delicious sugary treats. See that pile of rocks way over yonder? No, you don't! That's a sample of Sugar Pebbles, next year's most popular breakfast cereal. At least, it could be if my deal with Kellogg's go through okay. And it's no surefire thing; many an entrepreneur went into the deep-fried cereal business only to be burned in the end.
One thing is certain in this time of great upheaval: we will prevail. I ask all of you to join hands... do it! I command you to join hands and be happy! Do it! Do it now! Okay. There you go. Now, where was I... yes, the ceremony. Edmonde has been a thorn in all our sides, what with the spending of our tax dollars on his forty foot catapult. I think we can all agree that when we elected Edmonde, we only wanted a twenty foot catapult. He thinks more is less, but I say that more is simply more. You can't sugar coat that.
Believe me, I've sugar coated many things. But I prefer deep frying them instead. I mean, when you coat things with sugar, you've got to use some kind of wax anyway. If you don't, the sugar just falls off. With deep frying, I can turn almost any substance into delicious sugary treats. See that pile of rocks way over yonder? No, you don't! That's a sample of Sugar Pebbles, next year's most popular breakfast cereal. At least, it could be if my deal with Kellogg's go through okay. And it's no surefire thing; many an entrepreneur went into the deep-fried cereal business only to be burned in the end.
--The Taker of Gist | 3:45 PM
4 broke it down:
Sounds like a better mayor than I have. My mayor wants to spend our taxes on roads. Can you beleive that?
Some people still need to watch Back to the Future! "Where we're going we don't need roads."
Can you recall Edmonde?
Recalling him has no effect, as his ears are so full of wax that he can't hear the 4:15 as it rolls down the tracks. Only the swift bite of winter can free us from his merciless grip.
Join hands!!! But I might catch a cold or something! Can I wear gloves?
Glove are only permitted by special requests filed with the Bureau of Bureaucracy. And the line alone has been known to slay the bravest of warriors.
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