Monday, August 14, 2006

The Lady What Loved Jesus

The hallway is empty, the lights are off. Why would the lights need to be on, anyway? It's the middle of the day. Waste of electricity, those lightbulbs would be.

I'm just sitting there- actually, I'm standing, minding my own business. Ah, how nice... how peaceful... how serene. Then, from the opposing end of the hall comes a voice:

"I love you Jesus! I worship you, Jesus! Oh, merciful..."

I turned my head up to see a middle aged woman walking by, declaring her undying love of the Christian messiah. She seemed to be heading toward the soft drink machine, so I just assumed she'd spent the day outside and was incredibly thirsty.

But she didn't buy a soda. Instead, she walked a little way down the hall, and back again. The whole time, she continued to profess her spiritual inclinations, apparently unaware of anyone else in the building. Three minutes later, she walked away, still praising the 2000 year old keystone of western civilization. I didn't say anything the whole time, since it was so unexpected I was caught off guard, and it's not my job to interfere with the lives of others. That's the prime directive, and I follow it to the letter. If I don't, Starfleet Command could give me a court martial. It happened to Kirk, you know. One day he's an admiral... then, bang! Captain again. Prime Directive, man.

Anyway, it wouldn't have seemed so strange if she hadn't kept using the word "Jesus" over and over again, in her unexpected run-on prayer. I mean, the variations were astounding.

It was sort of like going to a fancy restaurant, and the guy at the table next to you pulls out a set of bronze-plated utensils he brought from home. Completely unexpected, but not really a problem. And hey, the experience allowed me to combine Christianity and Star Trek in an exciting new way that's sure to become a literary genre decades from now.

5 broke it down:

Blogger Bathroom Hippo verbatim:


Beam me up, Scotty!

*moments later*

Why am I dead?

Yah...Gist the Apostle, go figure.

8/14/2006 11:01 PM  
Blogger concerned citizen verbatim:

You hit the nail on the head par usual.

"literary genre?" It's more like one of those annoying jingles that get stuck in your head.

8/15/2006 1:11 AM  
Blogger Elmo verbatim:

May the holy spirit Edmonde haunt you forever...Amen.

8/17/2006 11:51 PM  
Blogger The Taker of Gist verbatim:

Sometimes, when I look out over my domain at night, I can still hear the cries of the undefeated. They stir even now, confident that tomorrow they will march on my capital and free their captive brethren.

They will fail.

8/19/2006 3:17 PM  
Blogger wallycrawler verbatim:

I feel for this "Lady Of The Of The Living God" . Al she wanted was a dam soda and he wouldn't provide . I think he was telling her she was too fat .

Thy Lord Moves In Mysterious Ways . Amen .

8/19/2006 10:50 PM  

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