I'm Going Camping
I saw Edmonde at the mall yesterday. He was buying a tent and a box of beef jerky. I was all, "Edmonde, you aren't legally allowed to buy all that beef jerky. Remember the restraining order." But he promptly ignored me, causing me to spill my soda all over myself. I mean, who does Edmonde think he is? I practically raised him, ever since his parents abandoned him in the Pennsylvanian woods. They thought to themselves one day, "Hey! You know how we can save a whole bunch of money? We can abandon our kids out in the woods behind our house!" The next day about fifty kids wandered onto my ranch near Philly. This big fat one walked right up to me and tried to poke my eye. I totally put the smack down on him; perhaps next time he'll think before he accosts a stranger in a parking lot.
But getting back to the other kids, I've never seen such a ragged group of non-union laborers. They were uncivilized, and reeked of pine-sol. The next day I taught them to stomp grapes and plant apple trees. By the end of the week, almost all of them had earned the required number of merit badges and were quickly being adopted by parents who wouldn't abandon them out in the woods again. All except for Edmonde. He was still on his first merit badge, and I was getting sick of him. So by the end of the second week, I had him shipped off to boarding school. That's where he met Colonel Chickenpox and the two of them began plotting against me.
It's not like I'm a static character. I'm not flat; I've got a lot more than two arch-enemies. I mean, there's Edmonde and the Colonel, but there's got to be a million others. Just look at Jimmy Dean. Not the famous one, but my neighbor, Jimmy Dean. He keeps getting my mail, because apparently, "Taker of Gist" and "Jimmy Dean" are spelled so similarly that the mail carriers have a hard time differentiating. But does Jimmy tell me he got my mail? Not at all. I have to drag myself over to his house in the middle of the night, wake his whole family up, and scream, "Did you get my mail?! Don't lie to me, President Dean!" But as it turns out, he (or at least his lawyer) believes that he never got any of my mail by mistake. Suddenly the world feels a lot smaller.
But getting back to the other kids, I've never seen such a ragged group of non-union laborers. They were uncivilized, and reeked of pine-sol. The next day I taught them to stomp grapes and plant apple trees. By the end of the week, almost all of them had earned the required number of merit badges and were quickly being adopted by parents who wouldn't abandon them out in the woods again. All except for Edmonde. He was still on his first merit badge, and I was getting sick of him. So by the end of the second week, I had him shipped off to boarding school. That's where he met Colonel Chickenpox and the two of them began plotting against me.
It's not like I'm a static character. I'm not flat; I've got a lot more than two arch-enemies. I mean, there's Edmonde and the Colonel, but there's got to be a million others. Just look at Jimmy Dean. Not the famous one, but my neighbor, Jimmy Dean. He keeps getting my mail, because apparently, "Taker of Gist" and "Jimmy Dean" are spelled so similarly that the mail carriers have a hard time differentiating. But does Jimmy tell me he got my mail? Not at all. I have to drag myself over to his house in the middle of the night, wake his whole family up, and scream, "Did you get my mail?! Don't lie to me, President Dean!" But as it turns out, he (or at least his lawyer) believes that he never got any of my mail by mistake. Suddenly the world feels a lot smaller.
--The Taker of Gist | 11:20 AM
11 broke it down:
I once received Jimmy Dean's mail. These are some big checks he's been getting.
Ice-cream never tasted so good.
You still get snail mail ? I thought "The Taker Of The Gist" was a lot more with it ?
I don't need to be "with it." I am it. Gist is like snow; if you wait too long for it to ferment, it turns to a fine slush.
Don't forget to pack a cattle prod...since your camping, you know, be prepared and all.
I own 25% of your stock.
Since I am the leading shareholder...I demand the following changes:
1) You must acknowledge Colonel Chickenpox's right to exist.
2) Edmonde is a wanted fugitive. Capture him.
3) Mentioning "Cheese" will get you a fine.
why do boys love camping so much? all those bugs and fireplaces. I'll pass on that and go stomp some grapes instead.
Did you forget you were camping and get lost?
I frequently go camping in places that cost me far more than my sanity. No one can comprehend what the solar system means to me!
whaaaaaa? camping? ewwwwwwwww! bugs! no food! warm beer!
Roosevelt kidnap you or somethin'?
Ah you're probably celebrating...Salbert is gone.
Gone to a better place: the Land of Silt. I saw him there yesterday. He was buying a pie. Why? Pie.
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