Night Of The Sunbeams

I awoke with a start. Someone was downstairs, messing with my stereo. Who would break into my house just to mess with my stereo? Why not just take it? Then it all became clear to me. My worst foe must be trying to plant wire taps on my stereo! But who was my worst foe? Could it be Edmonde, that foolish Gist mill worker who I dispise so much? No, couldn't be. He was in Canada this week, on a conference call. Then I began to think back on all the times Colonel Chickenpox took me to the zoo as a child. There was always that one hideous creature who hated me, the koala bear.

And sure enough, as soon as I lumbered down the stairs, a whole family of koala bears scattered off into the night. Nothing burns my biscuits more than koala bears. They've always hated me, ever since that time back at the zoo when I refused to turn over my popcorn. But now, to bug my phones? I only have one landline, and I can't stand to lose it. It's my window to the world! So I worked up the courage to go all the way to the koala's homeland, Australia. I flew all the way to Canberra, where I demanded an audience with the Prime Minister. He and I go way back. I helped him move.

So I was bustin' some rhymes with the Prime Minister of Australia, and I was all, "So you're in your third term. How's that working out?" And he was all, "Don't talk about that now. It's after six o'clock, I don't have to worry about all that. Besides, I'm on my fouth term." That got my boiling under the coller. "John, I'm about to lose my mind! Give me one reason I shouldn't tell your mom you've been stealing bicycles!" But he apologized, so I left it at that and we just spent the night jamming. Then I told him about my little koala problem, and he gave me some anti-Eucalyptus juice. "Just pour it around your property," he shouted between the drum-beats, "and you'll never see another koala bear! Trust me, I hate them just as much as you do!" And from that day on, I never saw another marsupial.