Bride Of Edmonde

Yes, it was Edmonde's wedding today. Good show, mate. We've had our differences over the years, but when the rice starts flying, it's game over. Yes, it was a marvelous day- that is, of course, hinged on the fact that Edmonde exists at all. And if he did exist, then it certainly was a good time. We had cake and parfait, and I was the best man. Yeah, Edmonde finally swallowed his pride and asked me to be the one to hold the ring. That's when I got the idea for the best prank ever.

I secretly ran over to Burger King right before the ceremony, and bought a whopper jr. along with a side order of chili and a bag of onion rings. While the minister was reading off the standard vows, I chewed extremely loudly. Half the procession stopped to stare at me. "How inconsiderate," I heard them whisper. If only they knew what I had in store for the happy couple... yes, just a little longer, I told myself. Soon Edmonde would be repaid for all his little indiscretions on the job.

So anyway, when it came time to exchange rings, I handed Edmonde one of the onion rings I bought earlier. You know, the bag of onion rings I got at Burger King? I told you all this. You need to keep up. So I gave him the onion ring, and he was all, "ha ha, this isn't funny. Give me the ring." So I was all, "Oh, Edmonde! I had no idea I gave you an onion ring! Here, let me get the expensive wedding ring you were planning to give you-" and then I drop-kicked that guy. Right on the alter. His whole family got up and started screaming, but by then I was a mile away. I'm a star athlete. The fool, he never saw it coming. Drop-kicked at his own wedding. A fate befitting a fool who would defy the Taker of Gist. I guarantee.