Play It Again

Pushing the buttons on my VCR is quite a thrill these days. With DVD coming to the- oh, who am I kidding? Everyone uses DVD. There is not a single person in the civilized world who is without knowledge of the superiority of the DVD. I mean, a DVD can last for thousands of years without its quality degrading. Yes, yes, I know that the tag line says "be kind, rewind" but is that even necessary? With DVD, the rewinding part is moot. A DVD does not need to be rewound, ever.

But Edmonde just rewinds it anyway, for no reason at all. I think he does it out of spite. He's like that. It's why his wife left him, why he can't hold down a steady job, and why his insurance provider dropped him. The man is among the worst offenders I've ever seen in all my years on the bench. I walked into the mill the other day, went into my office, and there he was. Rewinding. I was so enraged, I screamed, "Edmonde, you fool! Why are you rewinding a DVD?! You do not need to do that!" But he just stared at me with those coal-black eyes of his, and with a steely undertone, laughed, "Hee hee! That's right, I'm rewinding a DVD! What are you going to do, fire me?"

And I would have too, on the spot, but something was gnawing at me. So instead of firing him, I promoted him to senior management. When he pulled that DVD rewinding thing on the board of directors, they tore him to pulpy shreds. Greatest plan I ever had. I only wish it was yesterday, so I could do it all over again. Still, with the regenerative properties of the Gist, he'll be back up and rewinding again in no time at all. And I'll be waiting, cheese grater at the ready.