The Phone
Who invented the telephone? It's not a particularly important invention, after all. When I think back on all the times I've used a phone, versus the times I've sent a telegraph, the comparison ratio is just so severely skewed that it makes no sense to count the phone at all. Back before Edison, before Graham Bell and Bell Atlantic, before Verizon and Sprint, there was only ol' Ben Franklin. Now there's a man who knew how to tame lightning. I'd go over to his house ever week for a good old-fashioned 18th century barbeque.
Back in the time before soap, they sure knew how to barbeque. I'd go to Franklin's once a week, but I also went to Madison's mansion all the time for a little R & R. James Madison. Fourth President of the United States. There's a city named after him in one of the western territories. What? It's a state now? I have been out of the loop. I can't remember the last time I mistook a state for a territory, unless you count that brief period in 1959 after Alaska became a state but before Hawaii. I mean, how was I supposed to know they were states?! They weren't connected to the mainland! I still don't consider them fully fledged states. Colonial possessions, I say.
Of course that's not to say I wouldn't want to vacation there. Well, maybe not Alaska. Years of Gistology have made me immune to the cold, but I just can't risk running into a polar bear. Polar bears run a very tidy little operation up there. Once they get your number, forget it, it's all over. They've got a file on me a mile long. I really want to go see some glacial action, but I just don't want to get the bum's rush from the polar bears again. Last time they almost got me deported. Too risky. Not risqué, just risky.
Back in the time before soap, they sure knew how to barbeque. I'd go to Franklin's once a week, but I also went to Madison's mansion all the time for a little R & R. James Madison. Fourth President of the United States. There's a city named after him in one of the western territories. What? It's a state now? I have been out of the loop. I can't remember the last time I mistook a state for a territory, unless you count that brief period in 1959 after Alaska became a state but before Hawaii. I mean, how was I supposed to know they were states?! They weren't connected to the mainland! I still don't consider them fully fledged states. Colonial possessions, I say.
Of course that's not to say I wouldn't want to vacation there. Well, maybe not Alaska. Years of Gistology have made me immune to the cold, but I just can't risk running into a polar bear. Polar bears run a very tidy little operation up there. Once they get your number, forget it, it's all over. They've got a file on me a mile long. I really want to go see some glacial action, but I just don't want to get the bum's rush from the polar bears again. Last time they almost got me deported. Too risky. Not risqué, just risky.
--The Taker of Gist | 1:02 PM
6 broke it down:
i thought Edmondo invented the phone? well that's what he keeps telling me, anyhow...
Edmonde is a cheat and a liar! He stole the idea from me, a thousand years before the sun was born!
Give or take an eternity.
I commisioned the invention of the telephone long ago, down in the bowels of my empire. You know, you were there. Don't act like you don't.
I've eaten polar bear have you ? The hard part about it is , getting the bears on their backs with their feet in the air . After that smooth sailing !
The telephone is an instrument
of the devil.
..and oh yes, I get telemarketed by those damn polar bears- something about global warming. Don't take no for an answer-
Pain in the asses.
I'm just so sick of those polar bears! They think they own everthing, like the Aztecs. Well, I put a stop to them, just like I did to the Aztecs! Who's laughing now, Montezuma?!
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